Growing up, I remember hearing the phrase “Sometimes you have to kiss many frogs to find your Prince.”
Reflecting on that now, it seems a little absurd. The notion that as females (or males in some cases) we should expect to have to be continuously mistreated by someone who refuses to acknowledge our greatness, to “eventually” find someone who will give us all of the love and romance that we deserve. It’s similar to grooming little girls to accept nonsense by telling them “Oh he just has a crush on you” when a little boy pushes her down at school — conditioning them to believe that pain=love. Is this done on purpose? Of course not… However, we would be better to explain to our little girls, that the best way to find that excellent companion is by setting boundaries and standards for suiters the moment that theydecide to start dating. It is inevitable to have relationships that just don’t work out for whatever reason. There is no way to possibly avoid the one-off guy that presents himself to be something that he absolutely is not… But let’s not hang on to the belief that we have to continuously be miserable in order to have a chance at happiness. No kissing a bunch of frogs to find your prince…
A king always finds his queen!
With that being said, while thinking about that analogy, it led me to one of my own. I have a house with a pretty large backyard. Now mind you, I live in the desert, so actually, my backyard shouldn’t be much of anything but a bunch of dirt and rocks… However, the owner of the home did not landscape correctly upon building the house, so while the back yard is made primarily of stones, there are always weeds sprouting up everywhere if the ground is not treated correctly.
Las Vegas weather changed almost overnight. It went from winter to spring in less than 24 hours, and I went outside to see weeds EVERYWHERE. This was particularly annoying because I was thinking of taking sections of the yard to grow a small garden with some beautiful flowers.
We know that weeds cause allergies, attract insects and are exceptionally aesthetically displeasing… Nobody wants a yard full of weeds, ESPECIALLY when they are trying to grow a beautiful garden full of beautiful blooming flowers. So, a landscaper has been hired to come out and get rid of all of the weeds and hopefully lay the foundation for this garden that I am wanting.
Staring at the weeds got me thinking about a situation that I have found myself in often since I was probably in about middle school and I think a lot of women can relate to this.
Humans are naturally social creatures. No matter what anyone will ever tell you, we crave acceptance, understanding, and love from other human beings.
We have friends in middle school and in, and at some point or another we find ourselves on the other side of “fitting in” with other girls who we thought were our friends. One might believe that this changes as we become adults, but it really doesn’t. Even in the work environment, it can be disheartening when there seem to be certain factions that go out for happy hour, have holiday gatherings or after work outings that you don’t find yourself getting invited to. I know that this doesn’t happen to everyone, but I have certainly heard women speaking about it before. Or what about having the same group of girlfriends for almost your entire life, and suddenly it just feels like you have nothing in common with them anymore, but somehow they are all still very close. I have personally experienced this.
A lot of us kind of find ourselves wanting to fill that void even as adults and especially in the world of becoming an Entrepreneur. In this world of trying to fulfill your dreams and aspirations, you look to others who are either trying to do the same or who have already managed to do so. There is a level of comfort of having someone or even a group of other women to help you navigate the chaos of trying to live your purpose successfully.
They all start off so polished, so beautiful inside and out… They seem to have it all together, and best of all they seem to REALLY like you. You can talk to them about your business goals, personal success and fears of failure and they REALLY get it. They seem so very like-minded that you find yourself in a state of shock and awe that you were able to find your tribe finally…
Then the inevitable happens… It starts off with some seemingly insignificant yet unsupportive (often indirect) comment, usually on social media. As you start to see an increase in your success, you begin to see a decrease in their support… Unless of course, they can somehow benefit from that success.
Eventually, they either pick some immature fight with you so that they can have an excuse to stop talking to you altogether or they slowly fall off…
Now, if this were just a one-off thing that happened, it probably wouldn’t be so bad… But it seems to happen with each level of success that you reach… And it sucks!
Weeds everywhere! Out of nowhere. Always standing in the way of the garden that you are trying to grow for yourself. An oasis of beautiful blooming flowers that are a reflection of your growth and beauty…
Understand that you can’t just pull a weed out of the ground to make it disappear. You must dig, remove from the root and TREAT the affected area to rid the problem… Only then will your flowers grow.
It’s normal to want social acceptance or to surround ourselves with people that understand us. However, understand that just because someone may appear like-minded, does not mean that they hold the same values as you.
When starting out in this world of being a SHEO, it’s so exciting to see so many other women that have this same drive that you have. But we must not be disillusioned into believing that all of these women are equally as excited about your journey. It’s imperative to get to the ROOT of whom you are calling your friend. Understand who they are, where they come from and what their driving force is, BEFORE putting emotional weight on a non-business relationship with them.
With spring comes new life… Growth… And often that can mean weeds are invading your garden…
With new endeavors comes new relationships… Connections… And often that can mean toxic and jealous people are invading your good intentions…
In both cases, the problem must be removed and treated in order to see the beautiful growth around you.